Rejection Lines from Women
And their true meanings.


I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing kid in 'Deliverance.')

There's a slight difference in our ages.
(I don't want to do my dad.)

I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)

My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

I've got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

I don't date men where I work.
(I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

It's not you, it's me.
(It's you.)

I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only the men like you.)

Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's the male perspective thing.)

giggling

What to Say to Telemarketers
Guaranteed to work! Or not.

If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, and my dog just died" when they try to get to the sale, just keep talking about your problems.

Cry out in surprise, "Judy, IS that you? Oh my God, Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.

Say "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.


If the company cleans carpets, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him / her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.

Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh my God!" Then hang up.

Tell the telemarketer that you are busy at the moment and ask them to give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When they explain that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up.

Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.


Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "C'mon Leon, cut it out! Seriously Leon, how's your mom?"

If they are selling magazines, ask them if they come in Braille.

Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD DOWN.

This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ company" You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
Dare you to try them!


When you get off the elevator, whisper to the others who stayed on, "I'd get off the elevator NOW if I were you."

When the other people in the elevator leave, yell "SHARON!"

Hum the "Mission Impossible" theme, speak into your lapel and say "Right, Jim".

When there is only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

Sit with a desk, pencil cup and a telephone in the elevator. When someone walks in, ask if they have an appointment.

Ask the others in the elevator which floor they're going to, but push the wrong buttons.

Call the Psychic Hotline and ask them if they know which floor you're on.

Hold the doors open as if you're waiting for a friend, but then let it close. Say to nobody, "Hey, Wally, how's it been?"

Drop a pen, wait for someone to pick it up and then yell, "That's mine!"

When the doors close, announce, "Don't worry, they'll open again soon."

Enforce a group hug.

Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"

Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

Start a sing-along.

When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.

If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it. quick!" then whistle innocently.

Very funny

If their was ever a KING of Nudeweb don't you think it has been me fucking up this site as much as the people on it & possible. I got rid of the weekly forum posters, got rid of all the help groups on here, got rid of the normal posting of the forums, got John to change the setting that only friends can post on their content, got rid of both your last profiles because you tried to black mail John, got to be me hey! Catch you again Instant loser, hahaha