Kandice's Profile

Hello to whatever poor souls may find me here. My name is Kandice. My friends call me Candy Cane. So.....

This profile is set up for my inner personality. Like most, I live a normal life. Work, bills, family, friends and even church once in a while. Though I'm not much of a believer and go to make others happy. Like my religious beliefs I have dark and sometimes filthy thoughts and desires I tend to hide from the normal world. So I started this profile just for thoughts little secrets. Doesn't matter how hard I try to ignore or hide them, they're still there haunting me. Guess it's time to let them out to play a little. Totally figure it's safer and easier to do around strangers. Most everyone I know wouldn't understand.

I will get to more about me soon. I just want to clarify that I'm here only to explore and share for now and nothing more. Not looking to hook up, swap photos or videos or and dirty talk. Well, OK! Maybe a little dirty talk or at least talk about dirty things. But this is kind of a place for my darkest secrets so you may not even see many photos of me on here. Although for shits and giggles I may hide a few in my posts and profile. The thrill kind of excites me. But you have to guess which ones yourselves! I'm not telling! Let's see how things go and maybe I will be a little less paranoid and more open.

As for who I am! Nothing special! For the most part I put out a normal vibe. On the outside anyways. I was raised in a large home. Mostly girls! I grew up happy and my parents tried to raise me well. I wasn't a bad kid but not perfect either. I was the shy girl setting in the back of the class. That is up until about middle school.

Come middle school my thoughts and desires grew worse and so did my interest in boys. The two mixed was the cause of most my trouble. I started becoming very sexual and literally craved it. Not just sex! But bondage, submission and other types of kinky stuff. I totally love being helpless, overpowered and exposed in sexual humiliating type ways. I didn't understand it fully at first and still don't. While most my friends were looking for Prince Charming and the whole dinner dining romance crap. I want to be overpowered, drug out to a old dark haunted cemetery and bound helpless over a tombstone and used in very twisted sexual ways during a thunderstorm. Yes, I am that insane! Now do you understand why I keep this stuff secret for the most part?! Being scared or creeped out totally fucking turns me one! I love horror movies but, rarely make it through a whole one without some naughty interruption. Take about growing up confused! Try understanding thoughts emotions when you're young and don't even fully understand the concept of sex. Needless to say! I didn't have many girly girl friends until partly into my freshmen year of high school. Spent more time play Cops-N-Robbers with the older neighborhood boys than Dress Up and Barbies with the girls. That did get a little weird. But, that's a story for a later time. Let's just say that by the time we got caught it had become a game of strip catch. Basically, I had to take something off each time they caught me before the cuffed or tied me up. Even though I was young and didn't understand why. I loved it!

Want to know a secret? Shhhhh....! Only me and the boys know about this! Even after we got caught and I wasn't allowed to hangout with them anymore. I would still sneak out after dark on the weekends to play with them. Did this up until close to the end of middle school. It went on for like four or five years all together. And once a couple of years later thanks to alcohol, xanex and a dare. Another childhood game favorite.

Anyways! I totally drifted!

Needles to say! By high school I was starting to question my own sanity and morals. After sharing my emotions and desires with a few. And, getting caught in totally awkward situations. The judgement, teasing and criticism kind of fucks with you. It got hard to be open with anyone about those kind things. I did push it for a little while! I don't know why! The shame and humiliation it caused excited me in a cheap thrill sort of way I guess. The first few months of high school I went through a short live slutty goth phase. Nothing to extreme! But extreme enough I was having to sneak out or change my clothes and make up on my way to school. Didn't work out to well. I already had kind of a bad reputation and my nickname. It was stupid childish crap and didn't make sense. The would tease me by telling each other to watch out or I would suck their dick like a candy cane. Stupid! OK, so maybe I got a little boy crazy! But unless your dick is that skinny! Sucking you like a candy cane is more of an insult to yourself. You get the idea though. First part of high school was a nightmare. My friends and others that know me still call me Candy Cane. But, thankfully none of them really know where it started.

During my little goth phase I also came to grips with my lesbian side. Don't worry boys! I'm bi! I like both! It was just that, that was about the time I came to grips with being attracted to other women. When you're raised in a very christian home that's hard to do. Had my first relationship with a female that year. After that it was hard to ignore.

After months of teasing, bulling and torment brought on by and already bad reputation and my new look. I got into a fight with another girl. I fucked that cunt up too! :) Wasn't the first time or last time I got in trouble. But, thy called my mom to come get me and I didn't get a chance to change. Needless to say! I got in deep shit! Not only did I get almost a month of in-school suspension. But, my ass was totally grounded for over a month a was watched damn near 24/7. It kind of broke me I guess. I tried to straighten up. Started dressing more proper and hung out with the preppie girls. On even joined the Stowaways for a short time. That was the name of my high schools dance and drill team. Didn't last long though! Even though I acted and dress the whole good christian girl role. Didn't change my thoughts and desires at all. You can only pretend for so long. Soon I was back to get in trouble, skipping school and sneaking out. Long story short! I dropped out of school,
started working the whole time bidding all the things that have brought me here now! I moved out with a guy before I was 19. It was a lot like the prince and the toad. Only in reverse. Then back home for a short stay. And not a very good one! After a month of my families love crap I moved in with some friends. It was the greatest five or six months of my life. It was like one big 24/7 party! How I never got arrested I don't know! Hard to party like that and keep jobs and stay up with the bills. Being behind in rent and throwing parties that has the neighbors calling the cops is a sure fire way to get evicted. Luckily, I had a customer at Walmart overheard me talking about sleeping in my car and made me an offer. He's lived alone and was thinking about renting out his upstairs. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. I moved in the next day and have been here ever since. I got totally lucky!

All in all, life isn't bad right now. The only stresses I really have are bills, an alcoholic stepsister, secret sexual frustrations and a relationship that I feel might be a waste on time some days. Don't get me wrong! He's a great person. He's just kind if boring and drives a truck and rarely around. And when he is he just wants to set around at his house. He's also a little older and there is a small generation gap. He's not exactly the greatest looker. But, I never really chose my partners by appearance. I'm not sure how to explain this. But, a lot of my sexual fantasies involve being forced and feeling used and helpless. In some ways the least attractive can be as much, if not more arousing than the good looking. Does that make sense or just make me look crazy? He could have been the ugliest thing in the world and it wouldn't of matter the way I rushes in. I had been alone for a while, broke and really depressed. I spent my last $40 dollars setting at a bar alone to keep from going home and thinking about shit. He over heard me tell the bartender I was done and out of money and offered to by me a round. One followed another! And another! And...... By last call I was totally naked, freezing my ass off and steaming up his car windows Now, I'm not normally that big a slut and usually pretty shy. In a normal situation this would probably never have happened. But, get enough booze in me and my inner demons totally take over. Takes a lot though! The only way I'm share this nows is because I have no friends to see it and you really don't know me. I totally don't see anyone reading this anyways! And if they did I've blabbered on enough I'm sure I've lost them long ago!

Let's see?! I've shared enough shit that if you are actually still reading you already think I'm crazy! So let's go all the way and see how many are still here! Here's a few things that I've never told anyone! I must be crazy but here it goes!
I once kind of pimped myself out for clothes. OK, I did pimp myself out for clothes! Sounds bad right? Well, looking back now it was. During my little prep phase one of the guys I hung out with joking around offered to by me a pair of pants one day to flash him. It started something. It went on for several months and well.....I wanted more clothes and he want more..... Basically, he would buy me stuff at the cost of some form of sexual act depending on what it was. I'm a little a shamed of it but, I was young and stupid!

If that wasn't embarrassing enough! And I am so totally praying I'm right and none of you have actually read this far now! But, here's something kind of silly. I really like Fairy Tails and Disney stories. This may sound weird but, they turn me on as much as scary movies do. Just in a totally different way. It started really young when I first started having sexual thoughts. I would watch them and make up my own story in my head. Usually with me as the Princess and very sexual. If you made it this far congratulations. I've never told anyone this! Every! But, for example. When I saw Beauty And The Beast the first time! In my head I was Belle and the Beast was a totally aggressive sex crazed monster holding me captive and forcing me to do things. Or when I watched Maleficent I imagined had captured me and turned me into her sexual slave. And you don't even want to known what I think when I see Snow White now! Sure you get the idea though. Not to many Disney type movies you can name that I haven't had a fantasy or two about. Especially, older ones. Mom was a fanatic! We watched them all the fucking time growing up.

OK, one more and I'll stop! I told myself to shut up after admitting to being a prostitute for clothes and rides. But, just in case that one in a million person is actually still reading let's just go a head and get the worst of the worst out of the way. This will probably be the reason why I will most likely will never go through with posting this or actually excepting a friends request. It just feels kind of nice to be so honest about shit I am constantly hiding from. And there is a small cheap thrill in it for me to I guess. Don't ask me why but, even though the chance of anyone reading this is very unlikely. The thrill that some might actually see these things excites me some. OK, more than some. But, doubt I will follow through with this anyways. So, moving on!

Since I've gone off in a totally sexual rant! Might as well share what is a has to be the most humiliating thing about me. I was caught moaning, scream and having and orgasm while sleep in class once. OK, a couple of times. And one the bus! Home! At friends houses! Dance practice! Parties!Camping! Guess you could say it's a problem. More like a disorder that's causes a lot of problems. I think! I don't really now. No one seems to! Before you think I'm just a total freak show. Let me try and explain, please?!

When I started my whole rebellion phase or whatever. I started having trouble sleeping and was diagnosed with insomnia due to anxiety. It got bad. I would toss and turn all night. I finally told me mom but, only told her part of it. I told her how I would think about all the crap and school and my personal life and get worked up. Left out that a lot of the time my thoughts were sexual too. After a few doctors visits I was prescribed Ambien. And it worked great the first month or so. Then I start having very realistic sexual dreams. Because on the medication I don't wake up fully and almost live them you could say. Hard to explain. I'm not awake but, not fully asleep either. I may hear you and see you! But it usually doesn't effect the dream I'm in. I might even interact with you and even remember it when or if I wake up. I thought the first night I was just so out of it I totally pissed myself. No joke! I hadn't really slept in several weeks after all. But now I think different. A few nights went by and short of being a little drowsy off and on during the day and a little tricky to wake up. I worked great. Then one night I had one of my dreams. Two actually! I woke up several times during both. It was very strange at first. Still is! I would wake up just enough to realize where I was and pass back out. But the two dreams just seemed to pick up where they left off. It happens a lot. I ignored it and then a week later it happened again. Then again! And again! Soon it was every freaking night! More than once!

Obviously, I couldn't tell my mom about them and didn't know what to do. So, I tried to stop taking them. Within the first three days with little to absolutely no sleep I passed out in class. And, let's just say I couldn't exactly blame it on the medicine. Even though I tried and still want to. I woke up soaked and out if breath with the whole class looking at me. So then I started this kind of masturbation routine. Now it's a daily ritual. But, in the bath, once or twice before bed and school or going out, when I would actually wake up in the middle of the night when taking my meds. Pretty much every chance I got. I was probably the youngest girl to own a vibrator. Had the same guy I prostituted myself to for rides and clothes. Don't even ask what that cost! I had to do something! My wrists, hands and fingers cramped at times. Helped some but, not long. After passing out on the bus and at a friends I gave in and finally started taking them again. Totally better happing at night! If only it was that's easy.

The first week being back on the I had another episode loud enough to wake my sister. Apparently, I'm a screamer in my sleep too! Louder! I try to hide it to a point when I'm awake. Totally not easy! Anyways! She heard be screaming, and come I to check on me. She described me as possessed. Said I was growling, moaning and pushing my waist in the air. She tried to wake me and I apparently pushed her and screamed. She went and got Mom. When she got in there I was in the floor yellin sexual vulgar things and touching myself. Needless to say after a couple of more similar nights it was back to the doc and a bunch of medication juggling. Which totally made it worse! After a lot more incidence to the point I left The Stowaways and school for a little while. I spent about a year being poked, probed, prodded and examined physically and mentally. Still never got a proper answer. The Doctors said it was a mental issue. My shrink insisted there had to be some type of rape or sexual assault. Which there wasn't! Mom actually told or priest about it of all fucking people. I think she actually believed it was the devil or I was possessed. He suggested I pray every night and confess my sins to the lord. Yeah, right! Totally bullshit! When that didn't work I figured she would have me exorcized. In stead she totally have ignore it. Crazy like! I seriously think she blocked it all out. I mention it and all she does is say it was all my imagination. Wish my sisters would! They wont ler me forget! All that and I ended up back at the beginning. And right back on Ambien since it was more stable. Well, Ambien and xanex. Though I have to be carefully. Taking them at a bad time or to close together cause me to do so strange shit. But, I won't go there yet. Should probably keep some secrets after all.

Bet you would believe I'm normal very quiet and shy. Guess it's easier on here. Or drunk! Drunk works too! :) But, if you read this and every meet me in person you wouldn't believe it.

So, now I spend half my paycheck at Starbuck's or on energy drinks while juggling my meds to at least try to stay awake and avoid any public innocents. It helps most he time. Though I don't even have to fall asleep to have a humiliating moment and it's gotten worse. I've had one or two surprise orgasm fully awake going about my day. I've got pretty good at hiding and ignoring them most the time. Still totally embarrassing rather people realize it or not. Anything can seem to trigger it. A thought, image or the wind blow just right. Sometimes nothing. It can really suck. And ok, so maybe it happened more than a couple of times. But, saying numerous times is humiliating. Probably should delete all this. Chances are, I eventually will!

Think I should probably stop sharing now. Already told too much. Never intended to share the majority of this. Ever! I don't know why I did. It kind of scares and excites me to think there is even a chance someone might see this. Getting it out was nice but, even without any friends on here yet it's totally humiliating as fuck. I'm also kind of confused and ashamed to admit the trill and excitement involved in taking the chance is also kinda a huge and frightening turn on. I know this will make me sound totally lame and pathetic. These days maybe I am! I totally enjoyed writing this. Kinda freeing I guess. Thought there is some mixed emotions of fear, humility and a lot of shame.
I want to try something kinda fun a stupid. I want to play a little game and see if anyone exists board enough with the time and patience to read about my stupid thoughts and issues. If you read this far I will totally honestly answer and question or fact you want. But just one! Repeat the words -Purple Nipples Truth Teller - in your message before the question and I will answer. I'm sure illness regret this but, can't ignore the thrill. The only thing I won't answer is specific personal info like address, bank number, full name or whatever. Just for fun let's up the fear. If you say to go public with it I will post my reply right here below for all to see! I'll even post a copy on my page and any and all adult appropriate groups or pages you list. My heart is in my throat just writing this. But, fuck it! Nobody will read this or even want to stick around after find out how fucked up I am! Guess we'll see!

Anyways! I'm totally out! Going to look around here for a little bit and pretend I'm actually going to go through with this a continue it! Who am I kidding! My scared ass has had like five friends requests for a week and just look at them scared to accept. At least it's been a fun waste of time! Fuck it! I'm doing it! I think!

Anyways! Peace and hugs! I'm totally out this time! XOXO

Kandice's Interests