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It's my turn to milk the cows today and all this week for that matter, which means I won't be having any morningtime sex for a few days because everyone is still sleeping when I get up and I hate to awaken them so early...

The advert appeared at just the right time. For several months I had been hibernating in South London teaching myself the fine art of composing short fiction. Although for more than twenty years, since the age of fifteen...